Today, [something happened]. Then, I realized that / turns out [what I said in the previous sentence is a lie] / I proceeded to [do something extremely tragic]. [Fragment of WTF-ness]. FML
Examples:
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML
Today, I finally beat the song “Through the Fire and Flames” on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I’ve ever made in my entire life. FML
Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn’t until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML
Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn’t say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn’t a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML
Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women’s restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I proceeded to fall into the toilet’s waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers’ faeces. FML
… etc
They’re all the same. I think FML stands for Formatted Markup Language.